Problem with writing

Writing is cool for many different reasons. However, I found that it has one negative side effect for me. Let me explain. Usually writing is the last step of the following process:
  • Observe something - can be outside world or can be my feelings
  • Take time to think about it and reflect. Maybe even process things intellectually or emotionally.
  • Once everything is clear in my mind I’m ready to write it down.
After I write stuff I usually don’t think about the topic anymore. I release it, because it does’t interest me anymore. And here is the issue. When I talk to people the best conversations are usually about personal experiences: personal stories, observations, reflections and thoughts. I like telling my stories and I like listening to the stories from other people. However, once I’ve told the story few times I lose interest in it. I don’t like retelling the same story multiple times even to different group of people. 2-3 times is usually enough. After that the story becomes boring. It’s like me watching the same film. It doesn’t have the same emotional intensity. On top of that, if I tell the same story I gain this awareness of me telling the story. So I don’t relive it anymore in the purest sense. I become an observer where I can see myself saying things and seeing reactions from people. It becomes like a standup act. And I don’t like that one bit. I know some people love this, they love perfecting the form - improve the story itself. But it doesn’t interest me. Form is always secondary to me. I love the rawness of moments, of the emotions. I like the moments when the idea or thought or emotion are born. They don’t need to be perfected. “Aliveness” is what I’m looking for. So that happens with live conversations. But writing has the same problem with me. Once I wrote about the topic I don’t really want to discuss it anymore. There is nothing I can add to it. It’s done and dusted for me. Which is a bit sad. I wonder if this will ever change. But the good news is that life is fascinating. With every year I have more stories and more reflections and more observations. I have more things to share with people and I have more things that I need to learn from others. #writing #100daychallenge #reflection