On crying

Crying is important. It’s a way to release emotions and tension that build up. It’s good to do it on your own. It makes you feel more alive afterward.

However, crying has a social function too. It’s good to cry in front of another person. People mostly do not relate to each other through achievements or strength. We relate through sadness, fraigility, weakness, melancholy, etc. Seeing someone crying is one of the ultimate connecting experiences. Those are the moments of total relation between two human beings. We see each other fully. We tend to realize the humanness and fragility of another person. And we see ourselves in them too. We understand how something touched them, and it reminded us of something that moves us.

So it’s all beautiful, of course. But there is another side to it. I had a lot of problems crying for quite some years through my late teens and most of my twenties.

I realized is that a lot depends on who is near you at the moment. I feel very safe crying when I see that another person is secure herself/himself. That means that I trust to be near the person who not only cries himself but also can recover from it. So it doesn’t look like the cry of prolonged depression but rather than a fluid tool that a person has at her disposal. When someone can cry and then be happy in few hours and be full of energy - that is the moment you stop perceiving crying as a weakness and the moment you trust that another person knows her tools.

You never want to learn tools incorrectly. The consequences are hard. Eg, if you don’t know how to transition between different emotional states and stuck in one emotion for days or weeks - crying will not help you much. It will be distractive. Learn how to let go of all the feelings. Live them, but do not feel attached. And you will be okay.

When you are in the right spot yourself and another person too, all these things are so effortless and easy. Learn the basics first.