Life experience

There are a lot of people with a deflected sense of reality.

I know people who are assholes. That is not surprising of course, on its own. What I found to be interesting that those people usually have no life experience.

I used to have a colleague who was a terrible coworker. He couldn’t communicate with other colleagues, and he couldn’t take feedback. He couldn’t listen and was sure that he was correct all the time. So he was an asshole. But he was like that partly because he was the most junior person on the team without any professional experience. He didn’t know how to program well and, most importantly, how to collaborate and communicate.

And I saw that in people in other spheres of life. The more arrogant someone is, the more self-righteous the person is, the less experience they have.

Usually, such people are very quick with offering advice. I’ve got a lot of it from the people who had no experience in their lives. I listened to the feedback, thought about it at home, and usually concluded that I should do opposites. Because all the reasons the person provided to me were wrong and came as a result of their background.

So, in my opinion, it is still important to listen and reflect on this advice and opinions. But mostly as an exercise in reflection later and they serve as an excellent warning sign what not to do.

Listen to genuine people who lived their lives and had careers. E.g. never take advice on parenting from someone who is 25 and have no kids. Do not take relationships advice from someone who had never been in at least mid-term relationships. Do not listen to what to read or watch or to do from such people. Listen to people who are nice, and lived their lives and also are always changing. Self righteous people change very slowly. Because they already have all the “answers.” Be open to the ideas, but really think who are you talking to now. Bad advice is much worse than no advice at all!

Another small observation. Do not spend much time with people talking with whom leaves you feeling “dirty” afterward. Respect yourself. Avoid people who have no much respect for others! Because they will not respect you and you don’t want that. If you spend time with someone who doesn’t respect you, it will hurt your self-respect too!

You want people around who will make you a better person, not a worse one!